If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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