it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
