he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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