so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
True but thats because hes a fetus.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
