I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
