i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
