her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
