just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
