It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
