I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
