I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
