May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
