Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
