I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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