I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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