The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
