I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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