If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
