he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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