you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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