This house was built for laser tag.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
