lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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