Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
