alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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