I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
50% drunk capacity currently
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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