i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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