He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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