the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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