dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
