So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am midnight drunk by noon
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
