Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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