apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize