Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
