I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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