I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
