I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
