I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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