I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
