dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
