take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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