They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
