your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
