i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you had me at cake vodka
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
