it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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