Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
