My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Pants are for mortals
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
