I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
