so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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