OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
