Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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