I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
