Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
operation have a gay friend backfired
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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